


I'm not her.

by missrhondalee



Category: Laverne & Shirley (TV)
Genre: Drama, F/M, Mutual Pining, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:02:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25261285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missrhondalee/pseuds/missrhondalee
Summary: Laverne's fed up with how Shirley treats Carmine.
Relationships: Laverne DeFazio/Carmine Ragusa
Comments: 4
Kudos: 4





	I'm not her.

Laverne DeFazio sighed shutting the door to her locker. Another day closer to payday, at this point it was the only thing that kept her going. Today was like any other at work so why was she feeling so down? Maybe because Shirley told her she was seeing Carmine tonight during breakfast and although she's used to them going on dates, it still hurt every time. In high school, when they started going together, Laverne had been happy for them and she'd even encouraged them until that faithful night Shirley had asked her to keep an eye on him while she was helping a friend out for the evening 'With you, I know he'll be safe.' Sure, they'd shouted monstrous things at each other but she hadn't meant any of them. Of course at the time, she thought she had. She actually thought she just loved him as a friend, nothing more. Then weeks went by and every time she'd see them together, she'd get this ache all over her body and the sleepless nights to go with them so then, she understood. She understood, she'd been fooling herself all along. Ever since, she's been pining for Carmine in secret while Shirley used him every time she felt like it, every time there wasn't someone better to go out with and Laverne couldn't take it anymore. After years loving him in secret, she was still unable to move on and it was beginning to take a toll on her mental well being and the resentment she felt toward her best friend was becoming incredibly hard to contain.

As she sadly made her way back to her friend, she stopped dead in her tracks watching Shirley flirt with a customer who asked her to wrap the birthday present he'd picked out for his mother. They seemed to have a bit in common, and as Laverne eavesdropped at the door, she shook her head as she heard Shirley telling the guy she would love to go to the beach with him tonight. The guy not only was handsome but was a doctor and obviously, in Shirley's book, that meant probable wedding bells. 'See you tonight, Victor!' Shirley waved at him as he was leaving and she felt her cheeks redden with embarrassment!

"Who was that?"

Shirley screamed, she didn't know Laverne was standing behind her. "Don't you ever scare me like that again!" Laverne rolled her eyes asking her a second time who the guy was.

"We're being nosy this evening, huh?" she giggled, "His name's Victor. He's a dental surgeon. He wanted me to wrap his mother's birthday present. He's invited me to dinner on the beach...isn't that romantic?"

"And you said yes?"

"Of course I said yes! What's the matter with you?"

"I thought you had something planned with Carmine..." on one hand, she was relieved she wouldn't have to spend another evening feeling sorry for herself imagining them doing god knows what, being so jealous she could barely think straight. But on the other hand, Shirley dropping him like this, at the last minute no less, really ticked her off. Now she loved Shirley like a sister, but Carmine honestly deserved better than her.

"He'll understand. He always does."

"Of course he will..." Laverne shook her head disapprovingly. Shirley went back fantasizing about her upcoming date and she kept going on about it all the way home and Laverne just sat beside her in the car, mumbling silently to herself. When they finally got to their apartment building, she was still sulking and Shirley snapped at her. "Okay. What's up with you? You barely said anything since we left the store and you're usually chipper when I meet a new guy." of course she was, it kept her away from Carmine.

"Nothing's up with me.."

"Are you sure?"

Laverne avoided her gaze quickly, "Yeah..."

Shirley knew she was lying, but she was so excited for this date she was very reluctant to find out what was up with her friend. She turned into her cheerful self again, "I can't wait to see Victor again." which literally would be an hour and a half from now!

"Of course you can't..." Laverne meant to whisper that but it came out much louder than she intended.

Laverne knew Shirley heard that and now the girls stared at each other.

Shirley clicked her tongue, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. I didn't say anything."

"Yes, you did. What did you mean by that?" Now come to think of it, Laverne wasn't her regular self today. She'd been much more quieter than usual. Laverne wasn't answering and Shirley's patience was running low especially when she sensed her best friend wanted to pick a fight.

She crossed her arms, "Are you going to tell me or will I have to guess?"

"Just go get ready for your date..." Laverne felt more uncomfortable as the seconds went by.

"Laverne!" Shirley snapped, "Spit it out!"

"Fine!" she stammered, "It's....it's about Carmine."

To say Shirley was confused would be an understatement, "Carmine? What about him?"

Why couldn't she have just kept quiet? Now she knew after this conversation, their friendship would never be the same again. "Do you think the way you're treating him is right?"

What on earth was she going on about? She knew she and Carmine had an understanding and she reminded her. "Remember, years ago we had this conversation..."

She remembered but that was before she fell in love with him so obviously, she was just trying to be a good friend then. Ever since she developed feelings, she could never see their relationship the same again. She nodded quickly, she was so nervous she was hiding her trembling hands behind her back.

"Yes. But uh," she took a deep breath, "do you think you're being fair? If you're dating guys, why are you holding on to him?"

"We have an understanding." Shirley repeated, trying to explain it again to Laverne but she cut her off before she was finished.

Her voice shook, and that wasn't a good thing. "You know, there might be some poor girl out there who truly wants to be with him but she can't because she sees you with him so she thinks you love him when you actually don't!" she shouted, her face was so red and her sight so blurred, it required actual mental strength not to let the tears fall at this point.

"No offense, Shirl. But what girl in her right mind would agree to share him with you?" Laverne asked more calmly trying to get a grip on herself.

Silence filed the room as Shirley tried to comprehend what the hell was happening. She'd always been a tad suspicious that her boyfriend and her best friend had something going on at times. Even more so when they'd confessed to have kissed a few times although they'd repeatedly assured her it had meant nothing. Had they lied to her? She wondered now. Although to be fair, she knew she'd barely ever gone all the way with Carmine, because she was saving herself for marriage. She was insecure about it, especially when both he and Laverne had active sexual lives, so she'd always brush it off. But even so, she knew Laverne would never betray her like this again. It had been a one-time fling, a momentary slip up and she'd found it in her heart to forgive them both. Had she made a mistake in doing so?

Shirley noticed Laverne's shaking hands despite her trying to hide them. She felt a roulette of emotions that slammed her all at once. Was she stunned? Even though she'd been suspecting it for years? Always trust your gut, right?

"You're the girl, right?" she glared at Laverne and although Shirley was a very sweet person, it still gave Laverne the creeps. "The one who wants to be with him?"

Laverne's heart was racing so hard she wasn't feeling well. She needed to leave or she was going to emotionally burst. Shirley was waiting for an answer she already knew but right this moment, Laverne was unable to give her one and instead, she stormed out.

Carmine Ragusa scratched his head making his way toward the staircase only to see Laverne getting out of her apartment. For years now, every single time he'd see her or even hear the sound of her voice across a room or on the telephone, his heart started racing. He knew why but he was in denial and after years, he'd learned to live with it. He was supposed to be Shirley's guy...so wasn't he supposed to feel like this when he'd see _her_ and not her best friend? But since when can you decide who you truly fall in love with? Besides, that hatchet had been buried years ago and it would be a very dangerous thing to dig it back up.

Laverne wiped her tears as she walked toward the exit.

"Hi, Laverne."

"Hi." her voice was barely audible and his heart broke as he realized she was crying.

He was concerned, "You all right?" she wasn't answering and he gently grabbed her arm, keeping her from leaving. "Hey, hey." he looked straight into her eyes, "What happened?"

She sniffed loudly, staring right at him. "Carmine, why do you put up with Shirley like that?"

"Aren't you tired of being replaced by every single guy she dates?"

Her question startled him. That was actually quite tactless of her to ask this but he's always known Laverne to be bluntly honest at times. 'We have an understanding-"

She scoffed, ''An understanding? That's a load of crap and you know it. She can date whoever she wants but as soon as another woman as much as glances your way, she's hysterical. She wants to marry a doctor but she keeps you on the side. You think that's fair?"

it bothered him that she was actually right. He shrugged, "I'm used to it." he brushed it off, "It's all right."

"No, it's not. You deserve better than Shirley."

Did that actually come out of her mouth? Laverne, badmouthing her best friend in the whole world? "What..." he was so confused it was unreal, "Laverne, what's going on? Did you and Shirl have a fight?"

Laverne sobbed louder, "I can't be around you." she avoided his gaze now and rushed for the door.

"You can't be around me?" Carmine repeated incredulously. "Wha-" he barely had time to react that Laverne was already gone. 

Carmine burst into the girls' apartment, startling Shirley in the process. She glared at him the second he stepped inside. "Would you mind telling me what the hell's going on? Laverne just took off, saying she can't be around me. Whatever that means-"

"I can't deal with either of you right now. You lied to me-"

"I lied to you?" he shook his head, "What are you talking about?"

Shirley started getting hysterical calling him names, accusing him and Carmine had literally no idea why. She was shouting millions of things at once, talking so fast he could only understand half of it. "Quiet!" he snapped angrily and she shut up right away. He rarely ever raised his voice so that startled her.

"Now, tell me what's going on. Calmly."

There was a long, interminable pause where it required Shirley mental strength not to beat him up. Because if she was pissed at Laverne right now, it was nothing compared to how she felt about him.

Shirley breathed through her nose, "It appears Laverne's fallen in love with you."

Hearing those words made his heart race like crazy, as all the feelings he'd buried years ago came back to the surface in a split second. "What-"

'Don't 'what' me.' she snapped angrily, "I want the truth."

Carmine stammered, "The truth?"

She crossed her arms, "Did something else besides those three kisses happen between you two that I should know about?"

He shook his head, "No. it never went further than that."

"Don't lie to me!"

"I'm not!"

"Yes, you are. Did you sleep with her?"

"No! It never went further than those three kisses. We shouted at each other and then ended it. It was a meaningless fling. Nothing more." he miserably tried to explain, although deep down he knew he was lying through his teeth. All the buried feelings were gnawing at him, making him sweat bullets underneath his jacket. He knew he'd have to face how he really felt someday. After all, denial worked for so long. He just didn't think it would be today.

"I'm sorry but Laverne's behavior clearly indicates she loves you." again, saying those words out loud really hurt her but she didn't have a choice. "Do you feel the same way?"

Shirley braced herself for that answer, which she knew would probably destroy her.

"What-" Carmine began, taking an awful long time to give her a proper answer. She studied him, he looked so damn uncomfortable, she saw right through him. How could she have been so stupid, so blind? "I..."

Shirley had seen and heard more than enough, she was seconds from killing him with her bare hands. "Get out." she screamed, bursting into tears. "Get out of my house!"

Carmine's feet wouldn't budge, as she noticed he was now crying too. Being in the same room as him however became unbearable and he jumped as she ran up the stairs and slammed her bedroom door so hard it almost broke.

When she finally had the courage to come home, it was eleven o'clock. Laverne knew Shirley went to bed much earlier than she would, although after what happened she highly doubted her friend would be sleeping, but she still hoped not to run into her. She figured she'd sleep on the sofa tonight so imagine Laverne's surprise when she stepped into the apartment only to find Shirley sitting on the edge of the sofa with a packed bag at her feet.

"Look what the cat dragged in." Shirley glared at her best friend intensely.

Laverne avoided her gaze, she looked absolutely terrible. "I...I'll sleep on the sofa tonight."

Shirley scoffed, "Oh, no, you won't. You're not sleeping here."

Her throat hurt from crying causing her voice to be hoarse. "What do you mean, I ain't sleeping here, Shirl? This is my house."

"Tonight, it isn't." she threw the bag at her and Laverne barely had time to react. "Get out."

"This is my house!" Laverne shouted, "Where am I supposed to sleep? The gutter?"

"Get out. I packed your stuff. You'll be fine." she even added a blanket and honestly she thought it was kind of her considering how betrayed she felt! Laverne cried realizing her friend was dead serious and since she'd never seen her like this before, she feared the worst.

She sniffed loudly as she reluctantly opened the door and stepped into the hallway. She barely had time to turn around that Shirley had locked the door. Laverne panicked, 'Shirl! You can't do this!' she banged on the door repeatedly until her fists hurt. She then fell to the floor and buried her face in her hands, sobbing so hard it was a miracle no sound escaped her lips.

If Laverne had stormed out, so did Carmine. Although he had singing telegrams to deliver in the morning, he'd stayed out half the night. It was actually past two o'clock in the morning when he finally came home...only to find Laverne asleep on the staircase. Her intense crying had completely drained her. She had a blanket covering her, so much so that he could only see the top of her head. He approached carefully, how on earth was she able to sleep in that position? He nudged her gently. "Laverne? Are you okay?"

She woke up abruptly and he reassured her right away. "It's okay. It's just me."

He knelt down, placing his hand on her ankle. "What are you doing out here? You'll catch pneumonia."

She groaned crying and his heart sank, "Shirley kicked you out, huh?"

Instead of giving him a verbal answer, she just nodded. Obviously, taking her to his apartment would create even more problems but he couldn't very well leave her here to freeze. Even California had its share of freezing temperatures, however rare they may be.

"You can stay at my place tonight, all right?" he helped her to her feet and as he reached for her stuff, she wrapped her arms around his waist. He wasn't expecting her to do this and now his heart was doing somersaults. He knew he should push her away but right this second, he was unable to. Instead, he accepted the hug.

She'd come home the following morning, only to see Shirley getting ready for work. Obviously, she hadn't wanted to see Laverne at all, even more so when she knew she'd stayed at Carmine's place the night before because she looked through the peephole around two thirty in the morning. She had been pacing back and forth since she'd kicked Laverne out and although they'd been whispering, Shirley still recognized his voice. Watching Carmine taking Laverne in had felt like someone just set her insides on fire! And so when Laverne came back five hours later, knocking on the door frantically so Shirley would have no choice but let her in at some point or she threatened to break the door down, the girls fought like they never did before. It was a miracle it hadn't gotten physical. Needless to say, the past week had been a living hell. They barely spoke to each other at work, didn't eat lunch together and every time Laverne went out, she knew it was to see Carmine. Actually, she didn't but she was paranoid and could you honestly blame her? Night time was the worst however, and although Shirley hadn't forced her or anything despite kicking her out the first night, Laverne chose to spend her nights on the sofa for the time being. Anyway, it was best as every time they were in the same room, Shirley looked like she wanted to kill her. Which she honestly did. Wouldn't you feel as hurt and betrayed in her shoes? Although she was beyond pissed and it would take a long time to move on, she knew they couldn't keep on fighting especially about a guy. Even if that guy was Carmine. They were best friends. Hell, practically sisters and Shirley knew she would rather stick a needle in her eye than lose her best friend in the whole world. So last night as she tossed and turned, almost falling off her bed at some point, she made the decision that Laverne had to choose. Of course, that was actually very dangerous and could backfire in her face but she also knew that if Laverne and Carmine cut ties with each other, it would be much easier for her to forgive her friend.

And so the following evening after the girls came home from work, she phoned Carmine, asking him to come over. Only hearing the sound of his voice instantly filled her with rage but she didn't have much of a choice. Carmine and Laverne had no idea what was going to happen but they knew whatever the outcome, they wouldn't like it. The morning she left his place, they agreed to keep their distances for a while until Shirley would cool off but by the look on her face, she was nowhere near warming up! "Why did you ask me to be here?" Carmine cut right through the chase. He and Laverne exchanged worried glances.

"We just need to have a little chat." Even though Shirley sounded calm, on the inside her alarms were going off. What if Laverne chose Carmine instead of their friendship? Then what would become of her? Ever since she'd decided to go through with this, she'd tried to reassure herself as much as possible. Sure, Laverne was in love..for now. But what's the old saying? Guys come and go, but best friends are forever. Carmine and Laverne remained silent as she went through with what she'd come up with. Needless to say, by the look on their faces, it was causing them a lot of grief. What did they think would happen? That she'd congratulate them for their newfound love?!

Laverne couldn't help but start crying. Wouldn't you cry too if you had to choose between the two people you loved the most? "You can't do this." Deep down, she knew Shirley was going to come up with something like this. She also knew she and Carmine being together was her worst nightmare. She would probably do the exact same thing if the roles were reversed.

"Watch me."

Laverne didn't even have the time to utter one word that Carmine made things a lot simpler for all of them. He knew the girls needed each other and if Laverne chose him, he knew in the long run she'd resent their relationship, being with him. And what if their romance fizzled out in a few weeks, months? Then what? They'd have lost everything. Were those feelings for each other truly worth losing a lifelong friendship?

"Don't pick me, Laverne." his voice shook. He was on the verge of tears because he was losing everything but he knew those girls needed each other and he was willing to sacrifice himself for them because he loved them more than anything.

Laverne's sight was so blurred, she could only see shapes and colors at this point.

"I'm sorry, Carmine."

Carmine nodded silently, feeling tears gathering in his eyes. He was usually a tough guy but in his shoes, if you were losing both your best friends at the same time, wouldn't you be upset?

Seeing them so miserable made Shirley feel better. Why the hell should she be the only one hurting in all of this?

"Well, I'll be taking off now." His voice was so low, it was barely audible. Laverne couldn't even speak anymore and when he looked at her, she avoided his gaze. She only allowed herself to cry louder once he was out of earshot. She then buried her face in her hands, almost forgetting Shirley was standing just feet away. Although she was relieved Laverne had chosen her like she knew her best friend would, it was still no picnic seeing her like this. If Laverne had been crying about literally anything else, she'd rush to console her...but about this she couldn't. So instead, she offered to give her space. She knew they hadn't had dinner but with everything that's happened, she'd lost her appetite for the next five to ten years!

"I'm assuming you'll want to sleep on the sofa again tonight, so I'll see you tomorrow."

And that was it. Laverne didn't even watch her leave, she just kept on crying and despite a thick bedroom door, Shirley heard her friend crying for hours until it abruptly stopped around midnight. Laverne hadn't taken off, her body simply had no more strength and she'd drifted off to sleep.

The following weeks had been very awkward around the apartment. It has now been three weeks since Laverne chose Shirley and life was beginning to get back to normal. Shirley was moving on gradually from Carmine and her resentment toward her best friend, although still there, was fading. The fact that they had only seen Carmine twice in the last few weeks truly helped the process of starting over and that was exactly what she was doing. She'd called Victor back a few days after she'd stood him up, apologizing profusely. What other choice did she have but not go on their date at the time? She'd just learned her best friend and boyfriend were in fucking love! But now she was doing better and she was glad Victor had forgiven her. If Shirley was beginning to be her cheerful self again, Laverne was nothing but. The first few nights after she'd chosen Shirley were the worst she'd ever gone through, emotionally speaking that is. Although the first two nights, she was feeling so crummy she ended up getting physically sick. Now she wasn't feeling as worse, but she still wasn't sleeping properly and eating actual food required real efforts. She returned to the bedroom, after all she did pay half the rent to live here and while Shirley was sound asleep, she'd just stare at the ceiling for hours on end and since Carmine lived right above them, every time she heard noise coming from upstairs, like a pen falling or a chair scrapping, she fought the urge to go and see him. But she couldn't be anywhere near him and she knew that. She also knew he'd get a new girlfriend at some point, if he hadn't already, and that caused her a lot of grief just to imagine him being with someone.

Laverne took a deep breath as the girls got ready for yet another day at work. "Don't forget to take your set of keys with you this time, Laverne." Shirley reminded her as her best friend had been very forgetful at times lately. How could she think rationally anymore when Carmine was on her mind 24/7?

"We don't want to risk getting locked out of our house. Like last time."

Laverne rolled her eyes as she shoved the keys in her purse. She then stepped out and waited for Shirley to lock the door.

He was going down the stairs just as they were heading for the exit. Shirley was going on about their future double date, which she'd set up for tonight. The girls hadn't gone on one in ages and since she desperately wanted life to get back to normal, that was the perfect thing to do.

"I need to ask Victor where he and his friend are taking us to-" she broke off as she finally noticed Carmine.

Silence filled the room immediately as Carmine and Laverne tried not to look at each other but failed miserably. Obviously, Shirley noticed their staring and her resentment toward him hit her unexpectedly in the face. They lived in the same building, they had to bump into each other at some point.

Carmine found the courage to talk, "Hi."

"Hi, Carmine." as usual, like every time she'd see him for the past five years, Laverne's heart raced. "How..how have you been?" she stammered, she wasn't crying in the least but he knew she was sad. The glum look in her eyes betrayed her.

"I've been all right." he replied, when he actually meant he'd been utterly miserable. But he wouldn't give Shirley the satisfaction. "How are you?" he asked. The question was meant for both girls but he was somehow unable to stop looking at Laverne and Shirley's tolerance had reached its limit. "We have to get going, Laverne. We don't want to be late, do we?"

She cleared her throat loudly, "Excuse us." she then grabbed her friend by the upper arm and dragged her out the door. Laverne shook her off as they finally got to their car.

"What did you do that for?!" Laverne glared at her. "We can't even speak to him anymore?"

"That's right. We can't speak to him. We can't even mention his name."

Laverne scoffed, "So what, he doesn't exist anymore? That's ridiculous. He's our friend."

"He _was_ our friend." Shirley rectified, "And if you want us to _remain_ friends, you will adapt. That's the deal we made and I suggest you stick to it." Shirley reminded her glaring. Laverne felt a lump in her throat as she forced herself to dismiss her feelings.

"Do I make myself clear?"

Laverne bit her lip to keep it from trembling. She nodded silently.

"Now, can we get to work?"

Laverne reluctantly got into the car. She was too emotionally exhausted to get into yet another fight so when Shirley chose not to engage in a conversation on their way to work, Laverne had been grateful.

When time came to finally meet up with Victor, the guy Shirley liked, and his friend whose name turned out to be Oliver, Laverne wondered how she was still functioning at this point. After Shirley's outburst this morning and seeing Carmine, it had been one hell of an emotional day. So much so that she took at least five bathroom breaks! She'd stay in there ten minutes just to try to get a grip on herself because she snapped at a costumer and almost burst into tears in front of another! Now Shirley did notice her red and puffy eyes but she chose to ignore it. Bumping into Carmine had already put a damper on her day and she certainly didn't want to aggravate it. The girls had ridden in Victor's car and while Shirley rode in the front talking to her date all the way there, Laverne had sat in the back with hers. Oliver tried to get to know her but the only answers she'd give him were one-word ones and after a while, Laverne had stopped answering altogether. She'd just stared out the window, watching the cars passing them by. The guys had chosen a new French restaurant and Shirley was so enthusiastic about it, she'd even tried practicing her French with the staff. Laverne rolled her eyes as she listened to her friend trying to impress her date. She was always such a phony when it came to guys and tonight Vernie had a hard time tolerating it. She had a hard time tolerating anything anymore. "I'm so glad we're here tonight."

"It's such a classy place too."

A waiter came to pour them some champagne. "Oh, we should make a toast." Shirley announced giggling as she lifted her glass.

Chuckling, Victor played along and so did his friend, "All right."

Laverne reluctantly lifted hers so Shirley wouldn't bug her about it.

"To starting over!" She exclaimed, staring at her best friend intensively.

"To starting over!" the guys repeated after her and the implication of that toast made Laverne want to scream. If they weren't in a classy joint and if she wasn't so damn depressed, Laverne would have kicked her butt right there. Her friend was getting back at her as innocently as she could and it hurt ten times more than if she'd actually punched her in the face! The way Shirley kept staring at her as she sipped her glass was the last straw. She was seconds from imploding and she needed to leave. Right now. She rose from her chair as she felt tears coming on, "I...I need some air."

Oliver was concerned, "Are you all right?" he barely had time to ask the question, that Laverne was practically running out the door. By the time she stepped outside, her vision was blurred. She knew she spotted a bus stop earlier but her emotions were all over the place at the moment which made it incredibly hard for her to focus.

"Laverne! What are you doing?!" Shirley followed her running, "Where are you going?"

Laverne turned around, "I don't want to be here." she cried, "I can't do this anymore."

"You can't do what?"

"I can't pretend, I can't do what you want me to do."

"And what's that?"

"Going on dates, pretend Carmine doesn't exist."

She was sobbing louder as the seconds went by, "I can't just forget..him. I can't choose between you and Carmine. I need you both. I can't do this anymore."

Shirley asking her to choose was like someone asking her to give up either her eyesight or her hearing! Shirley's lower lip trembled as she watched her friend literally break down in front of her. Sure, she'd seen her cry millions of times but never this hard and especially not about a guy. "Please, don't hate me. I don't want to lose you."

Shirley was baffled, Laverne's behavior was so unlike her that it actually broke her heart. There was an interminable pause where the girls stared at each other until Laverne found the strength to speak again. Although she was sobbing so hard it was getting hard for her to articulate now.

"I need to be with him."

Shirley wiped her tears nodding reluctantly, "Get out of here. Go on."

"You're...you're letting me-"

It took Shirley an extraordinary amount of courage to do this and she knew she was going to be hurting for a very long time, but she loved Laverne and in her eyes, her happiness mattered more than her own. If being with Carmine made her happy, then she should let her be with him. She shouldn't keep holding on to him just because it gave her a sense of security when she clearly didn't feel a third of what her friend felt about him.

"Yes. Go on. Get out of here." Shirley forced the words out of her mouth and she almost begged Laverne to leave quickly before she'd take it all back. She wiped her tears watching her best friend run toward the bus stop. If tonight she'd given up on being with Carmine romantically forever, at least she'd managed to salvage the one friendship that mattered the most.

Laverne DeFazio looked absolutely miserable as she finally made it to Carmine's door forty five minutes later. Her hair was a complete mess, she'd lost an earring and the intense crying had given her a throbbing headache. The bus ride home took forever and she'd been unable to stop crying so everyone had glanced her way. She managed to calm down as she finally reached her building but she was sure that the second Carmine would be opening the door, her emotions would take over. She took a deep breath as she knocked on the door. Carmine opened it almost on the spot. Seeing Laverne stand before him not only startle him but automatically made his heart race. Even more so after this morning. If their unexpected encounter had upset her, it was nothing compared to how he felt. Especially after being avoided like the plague for the past three weeks.

"Laverne, you can't be here, you know that. What if Shirley sees you?"

She sniffed loudly, "She knows I'm here."

"She does?"

Laverne nodded frantically and like she knew it would happen, her emotions were taking over and his heart broke as he saw fresh tears in her eyes.

"I can't pretend I don't have those feelings anymore."

He quickly let her in and she sobbed louder as he closed the door. She looked straight into his eyes, "You feel the same way, don't you, Carmine?"

He wasn't crying but he was definitely feeling like he was on the verge.

"It doesn't matter how I feel because we can't do this. A lot of people are going to get hurt-''

"But you do, don't you?" she stepped dangerously close to him and his heart was racing so hard he could actually hear the intense pounding in his ears. Was he about to go through with this? Once he would, there would be no going back. She was waiting for his answer but instead of giving her a verbal one, he started kissing her frantically. Kissing her like he'd dreamed of doing for so long. They'd resisted for years and now they were finally acting on it. Within minutes their kissing escalated into something a lot more intense and they were undressing each other. By the time they reached the bed, her dress was on the floor as well as his shirt and he groaned as she nibbled on his ear. He lifted her slip and she moaned as he sucked on her breasts. "Oh, god." Laverne could barely contain her arousal any longer as Carmine began leaving a trail of kisses all the way down to her panties. She was crying out for him now but as she was reaching for the front of his pants, trying to undo them as quickly as humanly possible while they kept on kissing over and over again, the front door flew open.

"Hey, Carmine. I came to drop off the rope you lent Squi-"

Silence filled the room as Lenny watched them in horror. Was this real life or was this a nightmare he couldn't wake up from?

Carmine and Laverne stared back at him panting loudly, their mutual arousal disappearing into thin air in a split second. She had her hands on his belt so one more minute and Lenny could have seen something that would have truly given him nightmares for years to come! Although, what he was looking at right now was disturbing enough.

Lenny looked so hurt, it was written all over his face. Carmine and Laverne both knew he's always liked her and seeing her with Carmine tonight, when he'd dreamed that she'd do this with him a million times, felt like somebody just shot him straight in the heart.

Lenny threw the rope to the floor and ran out the door. Laverne rose from the bed, "Lenny!"

Laverne started crying as she quickly picked up her dress off the floor.

"You see?" Carmine shouted, pointing at the door. "This is exactly why we can't be together. Right there."

Laverne shrugged as she clumsily got dressed, "So what," her voice shook, "we're miserable forever because we don't want to hurt other people?"

He wasn't answering and she glared at him. She could see right through him and she knew that wasn't the real reason he didn't want to be with her. He was just using their friends as an excuse and it infuriated her. When was he going to wake up?

"Shirley doesn't love you, Carmine!"

He scoffed, "Oh, and you do? Or you think you do until someone better comes along." he snapped angrily as all the times Shirley had mistreated him over the years slammed him all at once. He was crying too now.

"I want to be with you." she couldn't be more sincere if she tried, "I've never been more sure about anything else in all my life."

The things she was saying, he'd been dreaming about them for years and yet..his insecurities were getting in the way. Because of Shirley constantly leading him on, using him and such, he had become very insecure and he was terrified Laverne was going to do the same thing and he told her that. "Shirley and I are different people, Carmine."

"You don't know how much I want to believe that, Laverne."

"Then believe it."

"I can't."

He picked up his shirt off the floor. "I wish I could but I can't. I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?" she scoffed, she was so upset it hurt to breathe. She felt even worse than earlier with Shirley. "You're sorry?"

She was so unbelievably angry, she wanted to kill him and he sensed it. Especially when she grabbed the nearest thing she could get her hands on, which happened to be a mug, and threw it furiously at him. "Not as sorry as I am, Ragusa!"

Carmine ducked just in time to avoid the projectile as she ran out of his apartment, slamming his door so loudly people across the street probably heard it!

Carmine had wanted to run after her that night but his crippling anxiety had taken over and when Laverne realized he wasn't going to catch up with her, she ended up getting physically sick. How can one person throw up so much in under ten minutes? She'd been lucky to even reach the toilet on time! She'd felt so gross and so alone she'd wanted to disappear. She still felt like this almost ten days later as she lay in bed with the pillow over her face. Laverne was so incredibly depressed now, she was contemplating ending it just so she would stop hurting once and for all. At first, Shirley was trying to be there despite the entire situation being incredibly difficult for her to deal with but she was trying. Including the time when Laverne shouted that she should be relieved Carmine had rejected her after all. But now it's been a week and a half and she was still refusing to get out of bed, to do anything. She hadn't left the house once, not even to pick up the mail and it required real efforts for Laverne to shower every day! And when she did, it wasn't so she could get dressed. No, she'd just put her pajamas back on! And not only that, she'd used all her sick days and if tomorrow she didn't show up at Bardwell's, Mr Hildebrand threatened to fire her.

"Laverne, you're going to lose your job if you don't show up tomorrow."

"Who cares?" her voice was muffled underneath the pillow but she still heard her, "I won't be here much longer."

"Stop the nonsense, will you?!" Shirley snapped at her, "You don't mean that."

"Yes, I do."

Shirley was fed up now and she tried to pull the pillow off of her but Laverne wouldn't let her. "What are you going to do, huh? Stay under there forever? You can't do that."

"Watch me!"

Shirley sighed loudly, "Come on, Laverne-" she tried again to get her out of bed but Laverne threatened to hurt her if she didn't leave her alone.

Shirley was upset now, especially after all she and Carmine had put her through lately. They'd hurt her terribly but despite all of that, she was still trying to be the good friend that she was but Laverne made it incredibly tough for her to keep a smile on her face these days. "Fine! Have it your way!"

The second her friend stormed out of the house, Laverne groaned and pulled the cover back over herself.

Shirley muttered to herself shaking her head as she walked down the street. She needed to get some fresh air and away from the house for a while. This situation was already an incredibly hard thing to process but Laverne behaving like this was starting to take a toll on her own sanity. Just as she was turning around the corner toward the bus depot, she caught sight of Carmine buying tickets. At first, she thought she was hallucinating but it really turned out to be him. Ever since he'd turned Laverne down, he'd been feeling incredibly crummy. Hell, even down right depressed. Everyone hated his guts and he could act tough all he wanted, there was so much he could mentally take. So the other night, he made up his mind about leaving LA. He'd only come here to follow his friends but now, he had none. Besides, California had never been his thing and he figured New York could be a great place to start over, to finally make something of himself. He stepped outside and just as he was shoving the bus ticket in his jacket pocket, he heard a familiar voice calling his name. Shirley crossed her arms.

"So you're leaving town without telling us, huh? How very brave." she said sarcastically. "Is your luggage packed yet?"

He wasn't expecting to bump into her and that made him feel uneasy.

Carmine scratched his head, "What do you care? It's what you wanted all along, isn't it?" she wanted him out of the picture. Well, he was making her dream come true. He wasn't even going to be in the same timezone! He didn't want to deal with her so he started leaving.

"That's right. Leave, take the easy way out. That's always come easy to you!"

He turned around, "What do you care?" he snapped angrily, "What do you care what I do with my life?"

"I care because I thought we were friends."

Was she for real? After everything that's happened, how she'd treated him?

He scoffed, "Friends?"

Shirley nodded quickly, "Yes. You, me and Laverne. Remember her?"

Now he hadn't seen Laverne since he'd turned her down but Carmine knew if he was feeling crummy right now, it was a million times worse for her.

"She hasn't left the house in over ten days. Heck, she hasn't left her bed."

Guilt fluttered through him as he listened to Shirley telling him about Laverne's condition. "If you had never asked her to choose, we wouldn't be in this position. You knew all along she'd never leave you."

"You made the decision for her!" she reminded him.

"Tell me, what other choice did I have? We all know she'd have come running back to you sooner or later."

"I agreed to let her be with you while still being her friend. Everything that's happened after that isn't my fault."

"Of course it isn't. You never do anything wrong. You're saint Shirley, right?"

Now Shirley resented that remark but she suck it up, "What do you mean? Are you saying it's my fault that _you_ rejected her?"

"No, it's mine for thinking you'd ever loved me. What a fool I'd been hanging on to you, waiting until you'd throw a bone my way!"

Now they weren't usually the type of people airing out their dirty laundry in public but at this point, Carmine didn't give a flying fuck anymore.

"What's that got to do with anything?"

"Don't you understand? It has to do with everything! For years, you kept leading me on, making me believe we were destined to be together but as soon as some guy whose social status you liked a lot more than mine glanced your way, I was history. And when the same guy would dump you or it wouldn't work out, you'd come running back to me."

"That was our understanding-"

"No, that was yours all along! You decided everything!"

She tried defending herself, "You dated other women too-"

"Well, yeah, of course I did. I have needs and I had to get them fulfilled elsewhere since you wouldn't!"

She knew exactly what he was referring to and now she was crying. That had always been her weakest spot, that she was saving herself for Mr Right, and Carmine throwing it in her face with so much hate in his eyes was incredibly hurtful. His resentment was written all over his face.

He sniffed loudly, "Admit it, Shirley. You've never really loved me and you knew all along that I would never be the one you'd end up with. Admit it!"

They were shouting at each other now and people glanced their way. There was a long pause until she found the strength to speak again.

Shirley nodded reluctantly, "You're right." saying it out loud after all these years somehow relieved her, as at last they were honest with each other.

"I guess I just liked the idea of having someone to hold on to so I wouldn't be completely alone." and when she put it like that, it sounded incredibly selfish. Even more when she knew Laverne truly loved him and with how she was behaving, she also sensed she had loved him for a very long time.

They weren't shouting anymore and as she wiped at her tears repeatedly, Shirley finally asked him if he wanted to be with Laverne.

"It doesn't matter what I want because we all know you are never going to accept us being together." and since she wouldn't, after a while the same thing would happen again. She'd ask Laverne to choose and it would be an endless circle. She nodded, admitting it would certainly be tough for her but they obviously couldn't go on like this indefinitely.

"Look," she began, "now I won't pretend this isn't making me feel rotten, because it does. But Laverne is the most important person in my life and therefore her happiness is too."

He was so done with everything so when she was talking about an arrangement, he told her it was too late now.

"What too late? Stop acting like a fool!" she snapped bluntly only because she was majorly fed up now. "You want to live the rest of your life with regrets keeping you awake at night?"

Being blunt and just down right pissed off was so unlike her usual cheerful self that it made her feel so terrible. She forced herself to be nice.

"Carmine, what if being with Laverne is your only chance at happiness. What, you're going to mess it all up because you don't believe me? Because you're scared?"

"We all know it will take me time to warm up to you guys being...together." she swallowed hard, that was difficult for her to say those things, "but if you don't flaunt it in my face every chance you get.."

He couldn't believe what was happening in front of his very eyes. He was so stunned, he couldn't help but ask if she really wanted this.

"What I want is not to lose my best friends. But at the rate we're going, I'm getting there. One is about to move across the country and the other is talking about ending her life!"

His heart broke as she didn't even bother wiping her tears anymore.

"I just want all of us to be happy. Life is already complicated enough and we need each other to get through it."

"Do what you have to do, Carmine. But if you really do decide to leave, you've got to tell her. Because If you don't, will you be able to live with the consequences of your actions?" She then rested a friendly hand on his shoulder, letting him know that despite all of that's happened, she'd forgiven him. She'd forgiven him for falling in love with her best friend.

Carmine made his way inside the girls' apartment and up the stairs. Shirley was right, he had to tell Laverne about his plans or he wouldn't be able to live with himself. Before he bumped into her, he'd been convinced leaving this place was the right thing to do for all of them. But after listening to her, he wasn't so sure anymore. Leaving was what his brain wanted, his heart however...

He took a deep breath as he knocked on the bedroom door and then opened it without waiting for a response. He spotted the lump underneath the covers right away.

"Give it up, Shirl. I ain't going anywhere."

"It's not Shirley."

The sound of his voice startled Laverne making her heart race instantly. She wasn't expecting him at all and the look on her face as she slowly pulled the covers off proved it. He was standing near the door and they stared at each other silently. Her hair was beyond messy and she looked like she hadn't slept in forever which truthfully was the case. She also looked white as a sheet, not eating would do that to you, so would being rejected by the man you loved. After what felt like an eternity, although it had only been less than a minute, she found the courage to talk first.

"What are you doing here, Ragusa? You came to finish me off?"

She was still lying down and he asked her to sit up so they could talk properly.

"What's there to talk about? We've already told each other everything there was to say."

"Please."

Laverne reluctantly sat up, trying to avoid his gaze but failing miserably and the more he looked at her, the hardest it was to keep herself from crying.

"Why did you come here?"

He took a deep breath, cutting right to the chase. "I think it's best for everyone if I leave town."

She scoffed shaking her head, why wasn't she surprised to hear that?

"Taking the easy way out, huh Carmine?" before she could stop herself, she called him a coward and he tried defending himself as they began fighting.

"I just don't want to hurt anyone!"

"Well, you're too late for that. You're hurting me!" she shouted crying. He tried getting closer to her but she wouldn't let him and she rose from the bed clumsily.

"You know what?" she sniffed loudly pointing at him, "I wish you'd at least be honest and admit what's happening isn't about anyone else. You even told me yourself."

"You're terrified to be with me. That's what it's all about! You're terrified because you think I will treat you like Shirley did. You think I'll get bored of you. You think I'm going to string you along." she cried harder, "I thought you knew me better than that." she shrugged, "I mean, how long have we been friends?"

Carmine tried to defend himself again but she wouldn't let him this time, repeating again that she and Shirley were not the same person.

"The difference between me and Shirl is that she's always looking for her Mr Right. She's hanging on to that balloon up there." she gestured how high with her hand, "And while her feet are up in the air, mine are firm on the ground."

"I don't have to look for anyone, don't you understand? I don't have to look for anyone because I've already found that person." her vision was so blurred it was unreal but she still stared right at him. "And that's you, Carmine."

Needless to say after hearing that, she wasn't the only one crying anymore.

But as usual, his insecurities were getting the best of him and it was making him doubt her and he stammered, "You..you say that now but how can you be sure?"

"Trust me, I've been pining for you for the last five years. It's safe to say I'm sure." and he ought to know because although he'd been in denial about the entire thing, he'd been loving her too.

Although hearing those words coming out of her mouth should reassure him greatly, it still wasn't enough and when he told her he'd never amount to anything and she knew it, Laverne was this close to losing it.

"Here you go, belittling yourself again. For god's sake Carmine, you don't have to be this big shot to be important. You honestly think I care about your job or how much money you make? You think I'm that shallow?"

"You said I had a lot going on for me but it wasn't going anywhere-"

"There's a lot of things I have said through the years that I never meant. Most of which were just to either protect Shirley or to get her off my back. You know damn well how she used to get. The second we used to stand too close to each other or god forbid we were nice to each other, she'd get hysterical."

"I lied just to keep up with the appearances. But now, I'm through lying to anyone and most of all to myself."

Laverne was crying so hard she started shaking and he'd honestly never seen her like this in all the years he's known her. "I don't love you for your money or your job or hell, to keep up appearances. I'm not Shirley wanting to marry some upper class guy. I'm not going to hurt you. I'm not her!"

He rushed to wrap her in his arms as she buried her face in her hands.

"I'm not her." she struggled to get away as he tightened his embrace.

He was probably crying as hard as she was now, "I'm sorry." he comforted her now, repeating over and over again that he was sorry. Finally realizing how much he'd hurt her and it would take a long time to forgive himself for it.

He finally let go of her several minutes later and they looked at each other silently. She glanced at his jacket only to finally notice his bus ticket was sticking out of it and she panicked at the thought of him leaving her.

"Don't leave." she begged now, "Please, don't."

There was a pause and as he watched her wiping her tears repeatedly, so much so that her eyes were getting sore, he took the ticket out of his pocket and she couldn't help but smile and then laugh as he tore it up. She was so relieved it was absolutely indescribable. She rushed to wrap his arms around his neck and as he accepted the hug, he whispered the one thing she'd longed to hear. "I'm not going anywhere."


End file.
